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Sunday, October 1, 2023
Thursday, December 31, 2020
Decisions
Written on 31 Oct 2020
Hello guys, girls, readers, people. Whoever and wherever you are, I hope you all stay sane and healthy. So today I'm going to talk about Decisions. Well, it's not gonna be about Decisions in general. It's about my Decisions. My life Decisions to be exact.
So a while back I wrote this post with the title of Intersection, you can read it here. Yeah, it is about my overthinking thoughts. Things that I cannot or would not share with anybody except with the readers here. Which is obviously close to none (even tho I've put this website on my social media bio). But that is really okay, 'cause that means I can write freely anything I want. You know, it's like a diary, but it's cooler because it has a .com domain. And yes I paid for it, I have a blog with a .com domain. How many people have their own website with a .com domain? Not so many. I'm a cool guy.
Okay enough of small talkin', let's talk about my life decisions. So as I was saying in my previous post, I was so worried about not getting a job. Well, now I have a job yay so excited! And tomorrow I'm gonna have my first paycheck! That feels like a really big step for me. Cause I'm so used to get money from my parents and it ain't much. Even though I'm the only child in my family, I didn't get as much money as I want.
So what's the job? Well, it's not much. I got admitted by a company owned by my lecturer. Just a small engineering consultant. My job desc. is to uh, make a daily report of an engineering project. The project is related to a ship berthing structure out there in the eastern tip of Indonesia. I might do some structural analysis later but for now, I am just writing a report about the project's progress. Even though I accepted the job, well I don't know. I feel like I'm dissatisfied with my current job. It's just there's so much work going on.
So what's the second decision? Yes, it's about one of the crucial aspects of my life. It's about my relationship. You see, I have been hurt a lot of times before. And now I find it hard to fall in love again. I don't know but I kinda like this one girl, but no feelings yet. It's just.. too early to tell. Well, let's see, later! Ciao my readers
Wednesday, October 7, 2020
Intersection
Caution: This post doesn't contain anything that really matters for you all. This is just a simple life update of mine.
We've all been there, feeling insecure because of
other people's achievements. We tend to look above, seeing all those glamours
other people have achieved. And that is where I am now.
 |
| Tangled Intersection. Source: Wikipedia |
I don't know. I thought upon completing my
thesis, I would feel satisfied. But no, no. Now I am feeling more insecure than
ever. I feel really jealous if one of my friends posts a job update on their
LinkedIn page. I feel insecure if one of my friends updated an Instastory of
his/her workplace on Instagram. Even though I know, in this crazy pandemic
time, there is barely a job vacancy. Bu still, my heart is full of jealousy,
full of the desire of wanting more.
I get this feeling of Fearing of Missing
Out (FOMO). I fear what if I don't get a job while most of my friends have
gotten a job? What if..what if.. what if..? Thousands of what if(s) cross into
my mind. Making my days mostly filled with overthinking(s). I feel guilty
whenever I am unproductive, even though I know that I have done good enough and
I deserve the rest.
Now I know that I have plans for my future, yes.
I am going to share with you. I have a keen interest in Offshore Engineering.
There are job vacancies related to offshore engineering. I have applied to
those job vacancies but, I haven't got a single reply. I was really picky about
jobs, but now I'm desperate. I have applied to whichever job vacancies related
to my major. But still, I haven't got a reply. Now my plans, I don't know about
it. My plan now is just to follow the stream, follow wherever this life takes
me.
You might remember that I like coding and stuff.
But seriously, I don't know, the spirit of it has gone now. I used to be so
excited about coding. But my dreams, my old dreams felt like dead four years
ago, when I decided to apply to Ocean Engineering. Now I begin to think, did I
made the right decision? Was I too afraid to pursue my dreams, my passion, my
real motives? I don't know. I was 17 when I had to decide on my major. I hadn't
grown up yet. What did a 17 years old boy know? Why should he take a decision
that will impact the rest of his life? Well, I wish this is the best track for
me. For now, I'll stick with Ocean Engineering.
The other problem besides career is well, you know me. Of course. If you are my close friends or follow my Twitter, chances are you know my problems. You know what I have been chasing for but still haven't got it. Relationship. Yeah. Why is it easy for people to have a girlfriend?? Like why why why. Well, I don't know. I guess I'm so picky. I'm way too picky. Say if I know a girl or dated a girl, I always overanalyze (Man, I should not even use the word analyze). Like, is she good? Is she beautiful enough for me? (not gonna lie about this part), Is she compatible with me? Is she religious enough? and et cetera.
 |
| I'm always confused. Source: Vecteezy |
I kinda don't understand myself. Sometimes, I
liked a girl, and she likes me back. But suddenly I lost interest in
her because, I don't know what... That's just the way I am. And sometimes
I really like a girl, she kinda likes me back, then I confessed, but I got rejected. Often times it's because I was a simp, chasing a girl without her bringing anything to the table, like one sided love but it's more than that. Yeah well, I remember one of my friends said, "You're a picky guy who's
never be picked". Like damn yeah, that hit me like a train. It was two
years ago but I still remember it.
I don't know. I don't understand relationships.
Like, can friendship between man and woman exist? See, I rarely befriend girls.
Because, I don't want one of the parties involved to have feelings for one
another. Feelings are dangerous, for me. It is not something that I can't
control. So whenever I uh, intensely talk to one of you girls, big chances are
that I'm into you. But I don't want to confess because, I've been rejected way
more than I have been not. Yeah, relationship with girls for me is like, a
tangled earphone. It's so complicated. You may think that I am exaggerating it
but no, that's just who I am.
So, like this post's title, I am now at the
intersection now. Between one choice and another. I hope that I won't be long
at this intersection. And I hope that whatever the path that I choose, will
lead me to the best destination, I hope Allah guides me to the righteous path.
Saturday, June 6, 2020
Lifeline
Lifeline (noun) can be defined as (1) a line or rope thrown to rescue somebody who is in difficulty in the water or (2) something that is very important for somebody and that they depend on.
Sometimes in life, we drown in the sea of problems. We sometimes struggle so hard in the sea of problems that it feels like we’re out of breath, drowning. At that point, who is going to throw us the lifeline? Who is going to rescue us?
Lifeline Buoy
Source: Catapult.co
This article will tell you about my understanding of life’s lifeline. This article is for the people out there, especially Muslims, who are currently drowning in the sea of problems and needing a lifeline. I know that this article might sound very religious because it was taken from one of Islamic ustadz speech. But I hope this article will boost any readers regardless of their religions.
Drowning
Drowning
Source: catapult.co
Life sometimes puts us in a rough situation. Whether it’s academic problems, financial problems, love-life problems, existential problems, insecurity problems, or everything altogether. We’ve all been through some of our roughest times, feeling desperate. Then we felt truly alone like nobody was going to help us, nobody was going to understand our problems. We felt like drowning in the endless ocean of problems, with no rescue boat in sight. In those times, who is going to help us?
﴾مَا وَدَّعَكَ رَبُّكَ وَمَا قَلٰى ۗ ﴿الضحى:۳mā wadda'aka rabbuka wa mā qalā"Your Lord has not taken leave of you, nor has He hated [you]" (Ad-Dhuha:3)
Allah literally said to you, one by one, that He would never leave you.
People may come and go. They can forget about you, leave you, hurt you, disappoint you. Because that's how people are, sometimes. But Allah, Allah would never leave you, nor would He disappoint you. Worry not, Allah will give you the lifeline and get you out of your problems.
How can we be so sure?
Well, we can look into our past. How much sin and mistake that we have made? How much worse things that we have done? And yet Allah has not punished us. He still gives us His gifts allowing us to live and breathe happily. Look around you, the world is still moving around. Even though we are ‘drowning’, we are still alive and breathing.
Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful." (Az-Zumar:53)
Even the sinners are still being cared for and given mercy by Allah. So don't get your hopes down. Allah still loves you and cares about you, whatever your problems are. And believe that, He will show you the path, the righteous path. The one that we might not understand. It may come out of nowhere, just keep praying and don't lose hope.
So every time that we feel alone, hopeless, lost and desperate, just say and repeat :
mā wadda'aka rabbuka wa mā qalā"Your Lord has not taken leave of you, nor has He hated [you]" (Ad-Dhuha:3)
Don’t lose hope, keep believing that the lifeline will come. Eventually, you will not be drowned and resurface again.
Doubts
Now of course that some of us (including me, sometimes) have some doubts about Allah's plan. Like, when are things are going to be right? When will the lifeline come? What makes it so long? What is this “lifeline”? Sometimes we have to be patient and Allah's plans are sometimes so unpredictable. Let us take a look into the story of Prophet Moses a.s.
Egypt - Where the Prophet Moses (a.s.) met Pharaoh
A long time ago, in the age of Pharaoh, a Pharaoh dreamed that there will be one male child of Israel that will dethrone the Pharaoh out of his empire. So the Pharaoh decided to kill all of the male babies of Israeli descendants.
Prophet Moses a.s., one of Israeli descendant, was born in the same era of this Pharaoh. His mother was so worried that her son, Moses, is going to be discovered and taken away.
Our logical mind would think that it is best for the mother to leave away from the country, or hide her son somewher, to make Moses safe from the Pharaoh. But what did Allah tell to the mother of Moses?
Allah told her (in Taa-haa : 39) to put her son in a chest and throw it into the river so that Moses would end up into the Pharaoh's bathing palace. Sounds just a very unreasonable thing to do right? Why would you throw your own son to the river, so that he could go straight into the enemy's den. But she believed in Allah, did what Allah has told, and here's what happened next.
When Pharaoh discovered the baby, he wanted to immediately throw it away. But Allah made the Pharaoh's wife convince the Pharaoh not to throw away the baby because she didn't have a child yet. So they decided to keep Moses.
But baby Moses did not want to be breastfed, he kept crying all day. Pharaoh then gathered all the women in the nation, to reward anyone who can breastfeed Pharaoh's adopted children, Moses.Out of all women, only one woman who was able to breastfeed Moses. It was his mother. The mother was having a tearful of joy, knowing that Moses was reunited with her and safe from all harm, including from Pharaoh itself.
That was just one of many examples of Allah's ways of helping us. The point is, Allah's way is sometimes unpredictable, in a way that we couldn't think of. The lifeline might just come out of nowhere. We might have doubts sometimes, it's okay. But we just have to believe that, when we have done our best to solve our problems and pray, Allah will pull us out of our problems. Be patient. The lifeline will eventually come, and you will be rescued.
Alone
We were born into this world alone, an orphan. And Allah gave us love through our parents so that they nurture and guide us until we grow up. And Allah will always continue to guide us whenever we're desperate and lost.
I am sure that you all have ever felt alone and felt lost. I have felt lost, even the most chosen ones, the Prophets, had felt lost at some points in their lives. But it is okay, do not worry too much, do not overthink. Because Allah has stated that :
"Did He not find you an orphan and give [you] refuge?" (6); "And He found you lost and guided [you]," (7); "And He found you poor and made [you] self-sufficient." (8) (Ad-Dhuhaa : 6-8)
The lifeline will come. You will be fine, you might feel lost and drowning sometimes but, Allah promised that He will guide you. After doing our best to solve our problems and seek others for help, have 'alone' time with Allah, seek guidance. Every problem is a test. When we are drowning, Maybe Allah is teaching us to swim in the sea of problems so we can learn something out of it. Eventually, the lifeline will come and you will survive.
The System
Islam is a perfect and flawless religion. You might have some questions upon reading this article. Like, What the lifeline really is? It sounds so vague and ambiguous. This is where this verse comes to explain.
"So as for the orphan, do not oppress [him]."(9); "And as for the petitioner, do not repel [him]."(10) (Ad-Dhuhaa : 9-10)
We help people. We give other people the lifeline. If there is someone who's looking for help to us, do not repel them. Answer their questions the way we could, help them solve their problems. But if we cannot solve their problems, suggest them to someone who can help.
Just help them however we could. In that way, Allah will give us the lifeline to rescue us from drowning. It could be in the form of other people who will help us, or we could stumble upon information that will help us or anything. Believe that our good deeds will be repaid.
As for the orphans, who have been drowning since day one without any help, we must help them. Most of us are lucky to have parents as our lifeline to guide us, the orphans do not have the luxury. So it is important for us to help and care for the orphans.
Conclusion
I am writing this article because I have been drowning too. When we are drowning, just try to swim and relax. I mean, yeah we must make an effort to find solutions to our problems. But try not to get panic. When we’re literally drowning and get panic, we will get drowned. But if we relax, we’ll survive. You will be just fine, just pray after doing your best. Be patient. Eventually, the lifeline will come, and you will be rescued. I am also spreading the words because Allah said :
"But as for the favor of your Lord, report [it]." (Ad-Dhuhaa:11)
Taken from Hannan Attaki's talk "Sendiri" here. Very recommended video Many thanks for the great speech. Jazakallahu Khairan.
- Muhamad Farid Geonova
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