Decisions

Written on 31 Oct 2020

Hello guys, girls, readers, people. Whoever and wherever you are, I hope you all stay sane and healthy. So today I'm going to talk about Decisions. Well, it's not gonna be about Decisions in general. It's about my Decisions. My life Decisions to be exact.

So a while back I wrote this post with the title of Intersection, you can read it here. Yeah, it is about my overthinking thoughts. Things that I cannot or would not share with anybody except with the readers here. Which is obviously close to none (even tho I've put this website on my social media bio). But that is really okay, 'cause that means I can write freely anything I want. You know, it's like a diary, but it's cooler because it has a .com domain. And yes I paid for it, I have a blog with a .com domain. How many people have their own website with a .com domain? Not so many. I'm a cool guy.

Okay enough of small talkin', let's talk about my life decisions. So as I was saying in my previous post, I was so worried about not getting a job. Well, now I have a job yay so excited! And tomorrow I'm gonna have my first paycheck! That feels like a really big step for me. Cause I'm so used to get money from my parents and it ain't much. Even though I'm the only child in my family, I didn't get as much money as I want.

So what's the job? Well, it's not much. I got admitted by a company owned by my lecturer. Just a small engineering consultant. My job desc. is to uh, make a daily report of an engineering project. The project is related to a ship berthing structure out there in the eastern tip of Indonesia. I might do some structural analysis later but for now, I am just writing a report about the project's progress. Even though I accepted the job, well I don't know. I feel like I'm dissatisfied with my current job. It's just there's so much work going on.

So what's the second decision? Yes, it's about one of the crucial aspects of my life. It's about my relationship. You see, I have been hurt a lot of times before. And now I find it hard to fall in love again. I don't know but I kinda like this one girl, but no feelings yet. It's just.. too early to tell. Well, let's see, later! Ciao my readers

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Intersection

Caution: This post doesn't contain anything that really matters for you all. This is just a simple life update of mine.

We've all been there, feeling insecure because of other people's achievements. We tend to look above, seeing all those glamours other people have achieved. And that is where I am now.

Tangled Intersection. Source: Wikipedia

I don't know. I thought upon completing my thesis, I would feel satisfied. But no, no. Now I am feeling more insecure than ever. I feel really jealous if one of my friends posts a job update on their LinkedIn page. I feel insecure if one of my friends updated an Instastory of his/her workplace on Instagram. Even though I know, in this crazy pandemic time, there is barely a job vacancy. Bu still, my heart is full of jealousy, full of the desire of wanting more.

I get this feeling of Fearing of Missing Out (FOMO). I fear what if I don't get a job while most of my friends have gotten a job? What if..what if.. what if..? Thousands of what if(s) cross into my mind. Making my days mostly filled with overthinking(s). I feel guilty whenever I am unproductive, even though I know that I have done good enough and I deserve the rest.

Now I know that I have plans for my future, yes. I am going to share with you. I have a keen interest in Offshore Engineering. There are job vacancies related to offshore engineering. I have applied to those job vacancies but, I haven't got a single reply. I was really picky about jobs, but now I'm desperate. I have applied to whichever job vacancies related to my major. But still, I haven't got a reply. Now my plans, I don't know about it. My plan now is just to follow the stream, follow wherever this life takes me.

You might remember that I like coding and stuff. But seriously, I don't know, the spirit of it has gone now. I used to be so excited about coding. But my dreams, my old dreams felt like dead four years ago, when I decided to apply to Ocean Engineering. Now I begin to think, did I made the right decision? Was I too afraid to pursue my dreams, my passion, my real motives? I don't know. I was 17 when I had to decide on my major. I hadn't grown up yet. What did a 17 years old boy know? Why should he take a decision that will impact the rest of his life? Well, I wish this is the best track for me. For now, I'll stick with Ocean Engineering.

The other problem besides career is well, you know me. Of course. If you are my close friends or follow my Twitter, chances are you know my problems. You know what  I have been chasing for but still haven't got it. Relationship. Yeah. Why is it easy for people to have a girlfriend?? Like why why why. Well, I don't know. I guess I'm so picky. I'm way too picky. Say if I know a girl or dated a girl, I always overanalyze (Man, I should not even use the word analyze). Like, is she good? Is she beautiful enough for me? (not gonna lie about this part), Is she compatible with me? Is she religious enough? and et cetera.

I'm always confused. Source: Vecteezy

I kinda don't understand myself. Sometimes, I liked a girl, and she likes me back. But suddenly I lost interest in her because, I don't know what... That's just the way I am. And sometimes I really like a girl, she kinda likes me back, then I confessed, but I got rejected. Often times it's because I was a simp, chasing a girl without her bringing anything to the table, like one sided love but it's more than that. Yeah well, I remember one of my friends said, "You're a picky guy who's never be picked". Like damn yeah, that hit me like a train. It was two years ago but I still remember it. 

I don't know. I don't understand relationships. Like, can friendship between man and woman exist? See, I rarely befriend girls. Because, I don't want one of the parties involved to have feelings for one another. Feelings are dangerous, for me. It is not something that I can't control. So whenever I uh, intensely talk to one of you girls, big chances are that I'm into you. But I don't want to confess because, I've been rejected way more than I have been not. Yeah, relationship with girls for me is like, a tangled earphone. It's so complicated. You may think that I am exaggerating it but no, that's just who I am.

So, like this post's title, I am now at the intersection now. Between one choice and another. I hope that I won't be long at this intersection. And I hope that whatever the path that I choose, will lead me to the best destination, I hope Allah guides me to the righteous path.

 

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My Future Timeline

I'm gonna fly like a jet

Since i was little, i've been planning, i've been thinking about my future. Often times i contemplate about my detailed life plan, like what should i do next year, what to do after graduation, when should i get married, etc. But sometimes, and often times, things don't go as planned. Like on this post i made almost exactly four years ago here. Look at me now, i didn't go to MIT, i didn't take a major in informatics or even IT related. That's because i chose the easy way, yeah, after all, i was not that ambitious, i was a steady person, i was a yes man. Back then, i always choose the easy way. But now, not really. I have changed now. College has made me a better, more challenge-oriented person.

Okay well enough of the small talks, let's talk about my future. Since I was little, I’ve always been interested in stuffs related to technology. I had my own computer since I was five years old. You can say that I’m a geek because I know computer and technology related stuffs. Besides that, I have some hobbies. My hobbies are reading, writing blog, swimming and traveling.

As I stated before, I like traveling. I like traveling to the beaches, and to the ocean. I’m drawn to the ocean. There’s something beautiful in the ocean that makes me drawn to it. The blue water, the wind, the sound of the waves, they’re all beautiful. I was and still am interested in the ocean. I wanted to study it, but I also like technology, and energy. Then I finally decided to study Ocean Engineering. That is how I decided to study my major I’m studying now.

So, what’s my aspiration for the future? Well first, let me explain about my major. Ocean Engineering is the study about the infrastructure in the ocean, onshore and offshore. Here we study about things like designing offshore oil rig, sea port, manmade island, coastal protection, and ocean renewable energy. I have a plan for my future which is related to my major.

My first plan is, I will become an offshore engineer. Because I’m fascinated about how a man can build a large structure in the ocean, and withstand the harsh environment of the ocean. Wait, How large is it? Well the tallest oil rig structure is 500m, it is taller than the Empire State Building. And that is, marvelous. I hope I can make Indonesia’s oil and gas exploration better by becoming an offshore engineer, and providing energy through all of Indonesia.

            Talking about oil and gas, they’re not a renewable and green energy right? So I already have another plan. Indonesia is an archipelago surrounded by vast amount of ocean. There are lot of energy that can be produced from the ocean. And my plan for the future is, I want to research the ocean energy. I want to make ocean energy mainstream and accessible in Indonesia. There are many source of ocean energy such as wave energy, current energy, ocean thermal energy and offshore wind turbine. These energy is free and available, waiting to be harnessed by us. I aspire to help Indonesia harness the clean and renewable ocean energy.

            And that is who I am and who I am going to be. I hope I can make my dreams and goals come true.

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My Life's Blueprint

This wasn't the part of the plan. This was never inside my imagination. Never once. Never once i thought of studying this major.. Until today..

It was at fifth of June, the day finally came. Even though i already knew what major i'll be in, it still made me happy that i was admitted into Ocean Engineering

Now it's all clear, my foot is set on here. Now i have to make a, grand design, of what am i going to be, what am i going to do in the future. I have many plans in my mind, but i'm going to tell you just a few of it.

Plan A : Offshore Engineer

Well, i choose this offshore engineering because, it's cool man! it's pretty cool! Designing a massive floating oil rig, living in there, far away from home. Damn, it sounds pretty impressive for me! And another reason is, Money. Yeah, i heard a lot about how this job pays tons of money. Seriously. Look at this brochure i got from google

Source : https://www.kaskus.co.id/thread/5199d5fee474b4f47a000008/oil-amp-gas-civil-amp-structure-designer/1

Annual salary in dollar. Source : https://oilindonesia.wordpress.com/2010/10/18/tingkatan-gaji-di-dunia-migas/

See? But i do realize that it would not be that easy to be hired in such company that offer high salary. So i must work harder so that i can have the skills i need to become an Offshore Engineer. Now how do we measure our hard skills? By grades. Yeah. I'm gonna nail every subjects here

Far from what i dreamed before, informatics. But now this is my primary objectives. Get an A or at least AB on every subjects here

Well, that's my plan A.

Plan B : Onshore Engineer

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Prologue

I used to dream to pursue higher education in Massachusetts Institute of Technology, I used to daydream all the time about it, wondering how does it feel to be in there. But now, i have to forget about all of it. I still have a little thought about it, i have chill everytime i'm thinking about it. But i think that, maybe MIT is just not for me. Or, i was too scared to go there.

So i had to accept that i had to go to continue my study to ITB. Not a bad choice, it's a very good choice actually. Bandung Institute of Technology is ranked 361-370 in QS World University ranking. And, it's the best engineering university in Indonesia. It's very hard to get admitted in there. And also, lot of the alumnus are a very influenced people. Indonesian first president, Ir. Soekarno, graduated from ITB in 1926. And also B.J. Habibie, who also graduated from ITB. But still i am not very satisfied with it.

It's probably because, i think that i have picked the wrong major. Yeah, i was forced by the circumstances, i didn't have any other choices, and i was not brave enough to choose what i've always wanted.

But maybe this is the best choice after all, i've prayed to Allah so hard, looking for guidance, and this is the very final answer. Yeah, there's nothing to regret now.

After all, life is a one long ride with full of surprises. We don't know what exactly what's gonna happen, but i hope Allah has planned the best for us :)

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Those two colors that will determine my life.

On that day, i will wake up in the morning, eagerly. I will be freaking out, i will be stressed out, or maybe i will be ignorant, having prepared for the worst case. But no matter how ignorant i will be, that painful feeling will still be there, untill then...

Seconds will feel like an hour, minutes will be like days, and the world will spin slower, as i wait for the server to come up.

And then it finally come up.

And then i will open my notebook, log in to that website, and then the thrill begins...

What color would appear in that small text box, would it be red, or would it be green?

If it's green : I will be thankful and very excited because, i will be admitted in thr best engineering college in this country. But, have i made the right decision? Is the decision i've chosen the right decision? It's like this, I have a crush on someone, i really love her, but i know that she's too pretty for me so i forget about her instead and move on to another girl. But still, the love that i had to my true crush still there...

If it's red : It will be VERY FRUSTRATING because i will have to study for that exam and i'm not really sure that i can pass that exam. But, if it's red, i will still have the chance to chase 'my true crush' and yeah, pursue my real passion.

But i can still try to love my 'new crush' because maybe my 'new crush' is better than my so called 'true love'. I input that decision not based on nothing. But i have asked my parents, my teacher, my student advisor, and i have prayed to Allah and maybe it is the best decision for me. :)

After all, it is up to Allah. We, humans have nothing, and we are just Allah's property. And i know that Allah has many of surprises for us, and Allah has prepared the best for us. :)

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My Awesome Future

What will the future Mr. Geonova be? Will he be a young scientist? A Nanotechnology Inventor? Genetic engineer? A top researcher? A doctor? The first Indonesian Astronaut? A Pilot? A mechanic? A biotechnology expert? A chemistry engineer? An IT guy? A material engineer? Or the next future Bill Gates.

I don't know, we don't know. Only god knows what he will be. But he takes part on what he will be in the next 10 or 20 years. Now here's the thing. He is very young, he is still sixteen years old. But, he has a vision. From that vision, he found ambition. And with that, he works with passion.

But, the problem is, he found his ambition late. If only he had found his vision since he was in the first grade of high school, he would have had a good grade. But he just found his ambition just right after he entered the third grade of high school.

His grades are uh, just average. Standard. Yeah, he is kinda lazy person, except if there is something that pushes him.

Wait. So what made him suddenly be an ambitious person who works with passion? Probably because somehow he accidentally found a random blog on the internet. It's just a normal blog with a boring template. But what matter is the content of that blog.

So what is the content of that blog? Video games cheat? Hack app? Torrent site? No. That blog is about an awesome student, who went to the same school as him. But she ( the blog author ) continued her study to the most awesome university in the world (in his version). She took an undergraduate program. At Massachussets Institute of Technology (MIT).

What? How could MIT be so awesome and drove him to be so ambitious? How could that event changed him?

The answer is simple. He once said what his goal is. He want to be "Rich, Classy and Educated" (he didn't say awesome because i think it's obvious that he is already awesome). And he thought that MIT is the fastest way to get there (i second that).

And also, he likes USA and it's culture (imho american culture sucks). And he is obsessed with blonde with girls (idk how he became obsessed).

So what will he be then? I don't know. But if everything goes according to the plan he made, it'll most probably be like this.

After graduated high school, he will be #adMITted at #MIT (and he will show his pride by posting at Path). And he will take a Major in Computer Science (he is an IT Guy since he was 5). After that he will work at Microsoft (and he will stop using pirated Windows). And after that he will continue his study (maybe economy, im not sure tho). And after years of experiences, he will start making his own company, he will recruit Indonesian students who study abroad. And he will build an empire and be the next Bill Gates *insert cool emoji here*

W...wait. How the heck he build his so called 'empire'? I mean what will the company make? A freakin' software?

Not really, he is a fan of futuristic technology. He has a vision that all futuristic technology, under one flagship of his company, will be at every house. Sounds cool right? Like there will be hoverboards in every houses, interactive wall holograms become a normal thing. It is cool right?

Yeah yeah, i hope that boy will get the best. The best for him, the best for Indonesia, and the best for the future.

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Goals and Dreams

Have you ever had a dream? I mean not something that usually appears in your sleep, but something that you really want.

Of course, you all have a dream. Whether it's big or small, realistic or not. We all have a dream.

But what's the point of dreaming then? I mean it would not make any differences.
Unless,
You set some goals out of it.

Yeah, to get our dreams come true, we must set goals. And to get to those goals, we must set some strategies and steps to get to that goals.

And what's the dream for? It's for motivation. It's the reason why you are doing something. And it's keeping you alive.

With dream, we can be more passionate doing our works, with dream, we could be anything we want. Well, if you set a goal and keep working on it.

Good luck, dreamers. I hope we can make our dreams come true

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The story behind 'mfgbawon'

Bawon

So now guys, im gonna tell you about how i got this name.

When i was 10 y.o. I had a cat, it was my first cat. But that time i had not named my cat. I got confused what name should i gave to him. He liked playing around pointlessly. And always on my side when i studied. And then my nephew got bitten by my cat. And he said 'bawon, bawon' which means 'baong' or naughty. So after that i started to name him 'Bawon'.

But a year later, something terrible happened. I thougt nothing gonna happen. That time i just gave him a frozen so good chicken nugget, but after that my cat started to puke, and a day later, he passed out. I was so devastated that day.

Now i put his name after my name. MFGBawon is a tribute to him.

I miss you, bawon.

MFG stands for Muhamad Farid Geonova btw.

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My blog

Hi guys, this is my new blog! more awesome post coming soon! for a kickstarter, here's a picture of my cat! His name is Louis Fullerton, he is so cute omg.

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